Smoke Rings in the Dark
by TheNextBestThing36
Summary: Mark Sloan is a man searching for meaning in a life gone terribly wrong. Maddison. MY FIRST FANFIC! Rated T for safety. COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

**So ya'll this is my first ever attempt at writing a GA story. Please, be kind! In my little world, everybody's life changing eperiences come complete with a song!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Grey's, it's characters or this song (Smoke Rings in the Dark by Gary Allan). If I did, I would have Patrick Dempsey all to myself. :)**

Mark Sloan gently swirled the amber liquid in his glass, allowing the aroma of the scotch to reach his nose and overtake his senses. He was perched on a stool, his shoulders slouched as he brought the glass to his mouth and took a long, slow sip, letting the warm fire fill his throat and burn a trail into his stomach. He glanced around to the other inhabitants of Joe's and felt their gazes shifting away as his eyes met theirs. He knew why they were staring; hell, half of them were from the hospital and understood why he looked such a hot mess. Before, he would have said something snide to them, but today, he just adjusted his perch on the stool and took another long drink of scotch.

"You're new" said a male voice from above. Mark glanced up and saw a burly man with dark hair staring and smiling at him. "My name's Joe and if you haven't guessed, I own this bar," he chuckled, wiping a glass with a bar rag. "And I see a lot of people everyday and I definitely haven't seen you before." He put down the glass and stared directly into Mark's eyes, "So what's your story? Why are you in Seattle?"

Mark met the gaze of Joe, then glanced down to polish off the scotch. He motioned for a refill and Joe obliged, his gaze never once wavering as he poured another drink into Mark's glass. "So?"

Mark gave a small chuckle. _If he only knew…_

**Well I won't make you tell me**

**What I've come to understand**

**You're a certain kind of woman**

**I'm a different kind of man**

"_Addison, please, don't go," he begged, stepping in front of her and blocking the front door. "You can't go…I love you."_

_She let out a harsh laugh. "Mark, you don't love me. We had sex. And broke up my marriage. So we tried…we tried to make this into something, to justify what we did. But nothing changed."_

"_Yes things have changed," Mark said firmly. "I've changed. I'm a different person."_

"_Oh really?" Addison challenged, her eyes flaming with anger and betrayal. "So who was that woman I caught you in bed with last night?"_

_Silence. "That will never happen again. It was a one…"_

_Addison shook her head. "No, Mark, it wasn't just a one-time thing. I know that there have been other women before this one." She grabbed her bag, tears glazing her eyes. "I'm leaving. I'm going to find my husband."_

"_Ex-husband," Mark corrected. "Derek is halfway across the country with that lusty intern of his. He doesn't love you like I do, Addy. I can take care of you." He enveloped her in an embrace, holding her close and trying to convey how much she really meant to him. "And the baby…" he added, stroking one hand across her stomach where their child was growing. Their child. He shuddered, thinking that in a few months he would be a father. He was already preparing; he circled the due date on the calendar and even went and bought a Yankees onesie. Boy or girl, his child would be a Yankees fan._

_At this touch, Addy pulled away, tears falling freely now, trailing dark smudges under her eyes and down her cheeks. She stood away from Mark, just staring and sobbing._

_His heart constricted. "Addy, what's the matter?"_

_Her eyes met his and there was a pain there that he failed to see before. "Mark…" she breathed before she rushed past him, grabbing her bags and sprinting to the cab waiting for her outside. He cursed and chased after her, grabbing her arm as she went to pull the door open._

"_Addison, talk to me! I will take care of this child no matter where you go!" he yelled._

"_There is no baby, Mark!" she screamed in his face. "I had an abortion."_

_At the word "abortion," Mark felt his blood run cold. He let go of her arm and sank back onto the sidewalk, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around his legs. He felt tears burning his eyes as he turned his face up to look at her. "Why?" he asked simply._

_Addison stiffened her back and met his eyes straight on. "Because I don't want to hav your baby Mark; I want to have my husband's. I want to have Derek's baby." And with that, she got into the cab and drove away, leaving Mark to cry on the sidewalk outside his home, mourning the loss of both the woman he was in love with and the child he would never meet._

**I've tried to make you love me**

**You've tried to find the spark**

**Of the flame that burned, that somehow turned**

**To smoke rings in the dark**


	2. Chapter 2

**Many thanks to McMackenzie and jlamb13 for my first reviews! So glad you enjoy the story, as it was just an idea that I was brewing in my head for a few days before I actually started writing. Just to let you guys know (if you haven't figured it out already), italics are flashbacks and the bold are the song lyrics. Also, to answer jlamb13's question, I have yet to decide if this will be Maddison. While their relationship is important to the story, I'm trying to write around the lyrics of the song and if you have heard it before, it's not so happily ever after.**

**The loneliness within me**

**Takes a heavy toll**

**Cuz it burns as slow as whiskey**

**Through an empty, aching soul**

_Mark took a large swig of the whiskey right from the bottle. He ignored the fiery trail it left as it burned through his chest into his belly. He didn't care about the pain. Nothing hurt him anymore; he was numb. He sighed and picked himself off of the floor and stumbled to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the face that stared back at him. He had two days worth of beard growth and his clothes reeked of alcohol. His eyes were dead; she took all of the life in them when she killed their child and then left him. It had been a month, but every time he thought of their last words to each other, he felt his heart constrict and tears heat the corners of his eyes. He washed his face quickly, not wanting to confront the image of the man he had become, and made his way to his bedroom, easing himself between the cold sheets and wishing that sleep would come. After tossing for hours, he cursed the peace that wouldn't come and sat near his window and gazed at the moon; so cold and empty, mirroring his own feelings._

**And the night is like a dagger**

**Long and cold and sharp**

**As I sit here on the front steps**

**Blowing smoke rings in the dark**

_As he watched the moon sail gracefully across the sky, his thoughts turned to Addison. He had tried to call her a few days after she left, but all he got was her voicemail. So he left her messages, crying and pleading for her to come back, saying that he could forgive her for the baby and that they could start over. The day after his call, he came home from his practice to find a message on his machine._

"_Stop calling."_

_He dialed her cell again, hoping to reiterate his feelings. She didn't answer, but he got one just the same…_

"_The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected…"_

_He didn't hear the rest of the message, as his phone was flying across the room. It hit the wall and broke in half. He then stormed to the kitchen, ripped the bottle of whiskey from the cupboard and swallowed a large gulp. And there he had stayed for two straight days, drinking and wallowing in his misery. He didn't go to work, he didn't change or even shave; just drank bottle after bottle of what was in the kitchen and then collapsed onto whatever was near to sleep it off. But tonight, sleep evaded him and he was forced to look at himself, to see what he had become. He stood up and walked back into the bathroom, to look at the reflection that stared back. This time, he didn't shy away; he looked right at his face in the mirror. And he didn't like it. He hated what she had done to him, but he also loved her at the same time. So he decided right then; he wasn't going to le her break him. He was going to go after her and bring her back with him. Finally thinking clearly, he grabbed a razor and shaved his face; while physically shaving the facial hair, he was metaphorically shaving away the self-loathing and misery that had plagued him for days. After shaving, he took a shower to wash the smell of alcohol off. He dried quickly and dressed himself, packing a small bag at the same time. He wasn't waiting until morning to leave; he was leaving right now. The fact that it was 4:45AM didn't faze him; he had to get her to listen to him. Making sure he had the essentials, he stepped out of his apartment and towards the street, hailing a cab along the way._

"_I'm coming Addy," he whispered to himself. "I'm coming to bring you home."_

**I-I-I know I must be going**

**Cuz love's already gone**

**And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart**

**And all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark**

**More reviewschapter update tomorrow!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, thank you soooo much for all the love and support! I'm so thrilled that my story is being anticipated! And sorry for not posting earlier, all this stuff decided to happen as I was writing this chapter. Very long, but well worth it.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Grey's or this song! If I did, I'd be filthy rich and McDreamy would be my husband. :) Just borrowing them!**

_Mark already hated Seattle and he had only been here for less than ten minutes. As he exited the airport in the morning, he was greeted by a typical sheet of icy Seattle rain. Cursing, he managed to hail a cab before he was soaked clear through. As he instructed the driver to head for Seattle Grace, he thought about what to say to Addison, and possibly Derek if he popped up. He figured that a "sorry, man" and an "I love you" wasn't going to be enough. The more he thought about it, the more he overanalyzed it, and the more he became more and more frustrated._

"_Screw it, I'm just going to wing it," he muttered as he gazed out the window to see his destination outlined against a stormy sky. He hoped that he could at least get them to listen to him and act like civilized adults._

"_Well, this is what happens when I have wishful thinking," Mark thought as he slowly stitched the gash across his cheek, compliments of his ex-best friend. He chuckled to think of Derek punching anyone, let alone a man who had been like a brother to him for his whole life. "However," Mark thought again, "I was talking to the dirty mistress herself."_

_He glanced a the slight intern who held the small mirror so he could see his work. She was pretty, he would give her that, even hot, but he couldn't see how Derek went from Addison to…Meredith? Yeah, that was her name. But then, Seattle was a crazy place. Anything could happen._

_After finishing his work and ordering Derek's lusty intern to get him into X-ray, he went in search for Addison. He prayed that he could just find her without running into Derek, to finally get of his chest what he wanted to say to her. Thankfully, in return for the beating he took earlier, he fund her quickly, leaning up against the wall outside the Chief's office with her head cradled in one hand. He grabbed her arm and without a word, pulled her down the hall to the nearest on-call room. He pushed her in and quickly shut the door, turning to face the woman that nearly pushed him over the edge. They just stood there, frozen like marble statues._

**The rain falls where it wants to**

**The wind blows where it will**

**Everything on Earth goes somewhere**

**But I swear we're standing still**

"_Mark, what are you doing here?! Did you not understand what I said to you? I'm trying to get back with my husband!"_

"_Yeah, the husband that punched me in the face for just talking to his girlfriend. Face it Addy, your marriage is over."_

_She snorted. "I'm leaving. I've said what I needed to say." She tried to step around him, but he stopped her._

"_No. I still have to say something. Just listen, you don't even have to look at me."_

_She took him up at his offer, staring straight at the ceiling with her arms crossed over her chest. He sighed; it was just a figure of speech. But she didn't try to leave. He took that as a sign and started._

"_I won't lie Addison; I don't regret our relationship. Despite the fact that I lost my best friend, I don't regret it. For the first time in my life, I felt loved. There was someone I could go home to everyday that would be excited to see me, someone I could sleep soundly next to with our arms wrapped around each other. And someone that I could wake up next to and see in their eyes the same love and happiness that was in mine."_

_He stopped there, choking on the emotions that were bubbling up. Addison's eyes were filled with tears, but other than that, her position stayed the same._

_Mark continued. "Addy, I know that I wasn't the best man. I cheated on you and that is my biggest regret. I had someone so wonderful in front of me and instead of taking that, I had to go and do the man-whorish thing. I take part of the blame for the failure of our relationship. " He cocked his head to the side, "But Addy, why did you get rid of the baby? You know I would've loved and taken care of it. Why?"_

_She finally shifted her eyes from the ceiling to meet his. He saw embarrassment, pain and…sadness? He opened his mouth and said, "Addy, the way you left, the things you said…I lost it. But I realized that I can forgive you. For everything. Give us another chance, Addy. I promise that it will be worth it. I love you so much…"_

_At those words, her eyes filled with tears again. "Mark, I…I…can't." Without another word, she ran out of the on-call room, leaving Mark all by himself. He sighed loudly, ran a hand over his face and walked out into the hall._

"_Well, that wasn't awkward and embarrassing," he thought. As he passed the Chief's office, the door swung open and a tall black man stood in the opening._

"_You Mark Sloan?" he clipped._

"_Yeah," Mark answered._

"_I've got a surgery that will intrigue you. Come into my office," the Chief said, stepping aside for Mark to enter. He walked through and came face to face with the man who used to be his brother. Derek's eyes glinted with anger and his face was red from screaming. And it looked like he was ready for round two._

"_I had to say something," Mark thought as Derek and the Chief's yells flooded his ears._

_Mark walked away from the morgue, stripping the surgical gown off and tossing it in the trash. The poor boy who suffered from lionitis had died on the table and Mark, after getting parental permission, went on with the boy's last wish. He wanted a new face, a fresh start to hopefully a better life. Mark chuckled; it seemed that their dreams were not so different. After changing out of his scrubs, he went to the nurses' station and began to fill out some paperwork. A few minutes later, he saw Addison make her way down the hall, without seeing him, and into an on-call room. Mark went back to his paperwork, but soon ideas were flashing through his mind…_

"_I should go see if she's alright…I need to tell her how I feel…I need to tell her that I love her…" He sat up and made his way over to the door, opening it quietly and shutting it behind him. He could just make out her body, lying on her side with her face towards the wall._

"_Addy?" No acknowledgement. "Addy, I just saw you walk in her ten minutes ago." Still nothing. "Fine, I'll just say what I have to say. Again. Derek can never love you as much as he loves that intern of his. Hell, he doesn't even try and hide his love for her. But I love you that much, Addy. I love you so much that all you have done to me in the past is a mere bleep on the radar. I can forgive what you did to me because I was also to blame for the way our relationship was. I just wanted you to know that I have changed; I'm taking responsibility for the parts that are my fault. I just wanted to…let you know that…I love you."_

_He expected her to sit up and scream at him, to go back to New York and let her continue to suffer as Derek and his intern shared intimate glances in the elevators. What he didn't expect was for her to let out a snore, not terribly loud but enough for him to hear across the room. He smiled to himself; he had just poured his heart out to a woman passed out in an on-call room. But he had said what he came to Seattle to say. He scribbled her a note and laid it on the small table next to the bed. He brushed her face gently and then left the room, closing the door softly behind him. He grabbed his things and walked out of Seattle Grace. He had made up his mind, now it was her decision._

**So I'm not gonna wake you**

**I'll go easy on your heart**

**I'll just touch your face and drift away**

**Like smoke rings in the dark**

**Almost nearing the end of the story as I have it written at this moment. If you guys have any ideas, don't hesitate to let me know! Reviews are love and may equal a NEW chapter update tomorrow!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all of the reviews guys! I'm super proud of this story and I'm glad you all enjoy it too. Well, this is the last chapter. After days of writing and re-writing, I think I've come up wit an ending that will satisfy all! Sorry to make you suffer for so long! ENJOY!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Grey's or "Smoke Rings in the Dark." They are just inspiration!**

"So?" asked Joe, forcing Mark out of his thoughts.

Mark looked up from his drink and gave a small smile. "Drifting, man; just drifting."

Joe looked at him quizzically, like he knew there was something more, but took the subtle hint and left Mark alone at the end of the bar.

Mark put his drink down for once and turned to watch the door. Over the course of the night, he had jumped and turned with hopeful eyes each time the door chimed open and each time he was disappointed. It had been over three hours and she still hadn't shown up. Sure, she could still be asleep or in surgery, but his gut feeling told him she was not. She was with Derek, her husband who didn't want her there; the husband who would rather openly show affection to his girlfriend/mistress right in front of his said wife and not even blink an eye. _How much more torture could she put herself through?_ he thought, turning back to his drink. He sat there for another hour, slowly sipping his drink until the bar got quieter and quieter. It was now 2AM and the bar was completely deserted, save for Mark and Joe. Mark tossed the rest of his scotch back, threw a 50 bill on the counter and bade Joe a good night. As he stepped outside, he glanced across the way at the hospital, gleaming in the early morning darkness like a beacon of hope for those who had none. Mark pulled the lapels of his jacket closer to his face to protect himself from the rain and slowly walked to his car, intending to leave Seattle in the morning for good.

**I-I-I know I must be going**

**Cuz love's already gone**

**And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart**

**And all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark**

0000

It was an unusual day in Seattle. The rain that Mark had become accustomed to had actually ebbed away earlier this morning and the sun was shining in a blue, cloud-filled sky.

Mark snorted. _Figures, the day I actually leave is the day it's sunny out._He shifted uncomfortably in the seat as he waited for the plane to start boarding. He was happy to be going home, but depressed because he would be going back alone. He really thought that he had swayed Addison away from Derek and Seattle, but his love apparently wasn't enough to change her mind. He crossed his arms, trying to make himself more comfortable and happened to glance at the person beside him; a little boy with blue eyes playing his DS, little fingers waggling wildly across the buttons as his tongue curled around his upper lip in concentration. Mark laughed softly to himself, wondering…

_A little boy, similar to this one, but with Addison's eyes and Mark's grin, came running across the grass, squealing with delight as Mark chased him and Addison looked on, all of them laughing and happy…_

Mark was jolted out of his daydream by the loudspeaker. _"Direct flight from Seattle to New York is now boarding at Gate 7G."_

Mark stood, grabbing his bag as he looked once more down at the boy, who, sensing Mark's gaze, looked up from his game and flashed a large, toothy grin. Mark gave one back, albeit a bittersweet one, for the boy did not have Addy's eyes as he had hoped for, and walked towards his gate. Fishing his ticket out of his pocket, he gave it to the stewardess who tore the end off of it and was about to hand it back to him when she said, "Sir, do you happen to know a tall redhead?"

He froze. _No way, nooooo way, it can't be her; she had all that time…not now…_ "Ummm, yes I do. Why do you ask?"

The lady pointed with the ticket behind Mark. "Because I think she's trying to get you attention."

He whirled around, heart pounding, wishing it was truly her; hoping at the same time it wasn't. And then he saw her. His eyes locked hers and the world ceased to exist; there was only her and him. Mark and Addison. Her eyes filled with tears as she lunged at him, clinging to him as if her life depended on it.

"Ohh, Mark, I am so sorry," she sobbed. "I came out here for a lost cause. He doesn't love me anymore, I don't think he ever did. And I'm mad, but not at Derek or Meredith, but at myself…because I had what I wanted. I had a man who loved me and who I loved back…I was going to have a family…and then I heard about Derek and his intern…I was so jealous…so I did terrible things, Mark, things I wouldn't normally do…all for someone who didn't love me anymore. Oh…my…God!" she said as she burst into fresh tears.

Mark held her. He rubbed his hands across her back, calming her from her hysterical sobs until she was only hiccupping. He opened his mouth to say something profound, but saw her mascara-streaked face, smiled to himself and said instead, "So…you love me?"

She jerked away from him, anger flashing in her eyes for a second before she realize that he was trying to hold in a laugh. She frowned, but her eyes were sparkling as she swatted at him playfully. "Don't make fun of me, Mark Sloan. I'm distraught."

"Yeah, you sure seem like it," he retorted. Then he got serious and said, "What about your marriage?"

She sighed as she hooked a piece of hair behind her hair. "My marriage was over long before I came to Seattle; long before we happened even. I just couldn't let him go."

Mark nodded. "I understand. You were married for eleven years. That's a lot of memories."

She nodded and then looked up at him. "It is. But last night, when I woke up and found your letter, I realized that what we have meant more to me than all of the memories with Derek. So I went to talk to him. I told him that I was sorry for interrupting his new life and that I was moving on. And he wasn't mad; he hugged me and said 'Go get him, Addy.'"

Mark fought back the tears that burned the corners of his eyes. "So, how did you find me?"

She smiled. "Well, the note helped. I went to the bar but Joe said that you had left hours ago. So as I sat there moping, I happened to turn over the card, which was one that you grabbed from the hotel where you stayed. So I went there, but they said you were at the airport getting ready to head back to New York. I managed to pry the name of the airport from the receptionist and three cabs and 100 later…here I am."

Mark let out a long breath and ran his hand over his face. "What does this mean?"

She looked deep into his eyes. "It means I love you Mark and I choose you."

He felt one tear travel down his face. "You do?"

"I always did," he said, her voice choked with emotion. "I was just too stubborn to see it."

She wiped her face with her sleeve. "Did you mean what you said? Can you really forgive me for what I did to you ? To us?"

He looked at her, at her rumpled hair and smeared face, the woman he was hopelessly in love with and smiled. He took her in his arms and kissed her softly. Her arms traveled up his face and linked behind his head, pulling him even closer to her as she deepened the kiss. He smiled at her once more as they broke apart, still pressed up against each other. "Does that answer your question?" he said with a devilish grin.

She chuckled. "You are such a man-whore."

"Yeah, but I'm your man-whore."

She chuckled again. "Take me for a ride Mark."

He smiled as he pulled away from her and grabbed her hand, noticing for the first time how well they fit together, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. He pulled her towards the gate, thankful for the fact that the hopeless romantic in him had bought two tickets, just in case she did show up. He put one arm around her as they boarded together, admiring the beautiful weather outside. What a beautiful day to start a new life…

**YAY! It almost made me cry as I was writing it. Tell me what ya think! I'm thinking of another song to write a story around, so tell me if you like this format!**


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